If you’ve ever paid attention to the flight safety instructions over the PA when onboard a plane, you should be familiar with the advice to “secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others”. Yet, the same could be applied to our everyday lives in our endless pursuit of happiness. While some of us struggle to practise self-care — perhaps due to a particular nagging voice at the back of our minds chiding our “selfish” choices — you can’t fill other people’s cups if your jug is empty.
To find out more, we asked Shireena Shroff Manchharam, Certified Life Coach, Image Consultant and founder of Sheens Image Consulting, to share professional advice when it comes to happiness. When the pandemic hit last year, Shireena created Getting to Happy™, a movement to inspire the community in Singapore to live happier and more mindful lives.
Often we feel like looking after ourselves is selfish, and we feel guilty. As women and mothers especially, we feel like our worthiness or roles are depicted by how much we sacrifice. We believe that happiness is derived from only helping others. But the truth is if we don’t look after our own physical and mental wellbeing, we can’t look after those around us to the best of our ability.
Misconceptions and notions also conjure up an image of checking into a spa for several hours a week, but that isn’t what we all need, as lovely as that may sound. We need to carve out intentional moments in our day, maybe while we exercise, or take a bath, or even while we read before bed. These moments bring simple pleasure to our life when done with mindfulness and intention.
When we prioritise happiness – we aren’t immune or blind to the challenges that life throws at us. Instead, it means we have taken the time to fully acknowledge the ways in our control to increase our wellbeing and have the foundation to stand back up in adversity.
Every day, make a conscious effort to notice and give thanks and gratitude for three things from your day. Be as specific as you can. Take it a step further and write it down in a gratitude journal. If you have children, encourage them to share it with you before they sleep every night. Practising gratitude helps us see all the wonderful moments in our lives and shifts the brain to be more positive and optimistic.
Without adequate sleep, we cannot function to our optimal. Quality sleep helps us feel more balanced, lowers the risk of depression and helps us cope with mood swings in response to our daily interactions. Implement a sleep routine, diffuse essential oils, play sleep music in the background, disengage from your phone at least an hour before bed, read a book, practise gratitude right before bed and see how your emotional resilience, immunity and wellbeing increase.
Much of what bothers us and what we get stuck ruminating on are things that are out of our control. Holding on to toxic situations and negative thoughts limits us from being present in the moment. If we aren’t present and focused, we can never appreciate the wonderful things around us. To feel less burdened, unhappy and stressed, start by thinking of things you can let go of. Commit to asking yourself what you learned from the situation, and perhaps what you could do differently and commit to letting this go. By doing so, we feel lighter, more resilient, less stressed and far happier.
Training your mind to remember that all difficult times pass and that every day is a new opportunity to do better, helps us move on from difficult moments. It also trains the brain to be forward-thinking and positive. Start by placing your hand on your heart, taking a deep breath and saying out loud; this too shall pass. Being mindful in that moment doesn’t mean difficult times won’t happen, but it can help us take stock of the moment, give acknowledgement to things around us, to the things we can change and to the things we have no control over. Be kind to yourself and provide yourself with the opportunity each day to remember this better and cultivate a more positive outlook towards life.
Create a time and space to practice meditation. If the practice scares you, try even with a minute a day. Ignore the misconceptions that meditation must be for a fixed amount of time every day or that people who are inherently more calm and zen are better at meditating. Just try your best, and commit to a practice. By practicing a few times a week, we improve cognition, enhance empathy, reduce stress, increase attention, reduce pain sensation and regulate anxiety and mood disorders. Meditation literally can reset your happiness point!
This article was originally published on The Soothe on 8 June, 2021.
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