Too often we notice the bad and wallow in self-pity. We feel upset that the world has engulfed us in all this negativity—the pandemic, climate change, pollution, overpopulation, racism… The list goes on. It is so easy to point out all these but why can’t we find the silver lining through all the hardship and challenges?
As a certified Life & Happiness Coach, it doesn’t mean I was always able to see any good in any situation. Growing up, I struggled with low self-esteem and I was always worried about what others thought of me. I felt that the world was always a little against me. I didn’t appreciate all that I had, ruminating over the negative and getting stuck in bad memories or thoughts. Over the years, I’ve learnt that practising gratitude, kindness and self-care can we understand and appreciate more about what life has given us.
One of the earliest memories I felt like I hit rock bottom was when I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis when I was 24. I remember having surgery and lying in bed at the hospital with my then-boyfriend (now husband) by my side. The doctor came in and said that it would be quite unlikely I would be able to conceive a child naturally, because of the many complications down there. I didn’t even understand what that meant—I thought after the surgery I would come out bright and shiny.
I remember looking over at my husband and immediately feeling shame and guilt that there was something so wrong with me. A family member would then advise me not to tell anyone, to keep this secret from the family. What would they think of me? How could I not give birth to babies easily like other women? What was wrong with me?
Infertility is so common, yet no one talks about it. I felt very alone, very young, and very naïve. I was told injections, surgery, scans, pills would help, and that I was to just do it. At that time, I couldn’t remember a single friend who had difficulty conceiving. Most of my friends then were busy out dancing at clubs, while I had this huge decision to make. The earlier I did IVF, the easier it would be.
I remember looking at myself in the mirror and saying if I wanted children, I had to bite the bullet, sacrifice a bit of my 20’s and start the process. I knew being a mother was something I always wanted—it was a dream of mine to have a house full of screaming kids. And instead of feeling sorry for myself, I decided I need to switch the story around. I had to see the good in the situation. The worst-case scenario would be to not have children at all.
I started to feel grateful that I had the opportunity to try the procedure, with help from a well-qualified doctor, in a clean hospital. Even during the worst moments—painful injections and miscarriages—I felt lucky to have the chance to even try IVF.
Amazing things can happen when we have the ability to see the silver lining in any situation, when we can see the good around us. It is up to us to stop, notice and acknowledge it. The power to do so, give thanks and show gratitude can make even the worst situations better.
I created Getting to Happy last year in the middle of a pandemic. I developed my coaching work to highlight and celebrate happiness. Getting to Happy is a movement to create a happier society, one where we can fall, but pick ourselves up, have bad days, but have the resilience to fight it, be brave and not be held back by our thoughts. I encourage you to practice gratitude and to see the silver lining in every situation, no matter how bleak the outlook is. Happiness is always there.
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