Why It’s Important to Embrace Failure From a Young Age

For some, failing is never an option. But what if we were taught from a young age to embrace failure? What would happen if we started to share more about why we fall and how we can stand back up again, instead of only focusing on success and achievement? Here is a peek into my failure:

For anyone growing up in an Asian household, failing or even teetering on average can be viewed as failing. Parents strive for perfection and don’t allow for failure. As children, failure simply means a cloudy shadow over our head, witnessing a crestfallen look on our parents’ faces and the feeling of overwhelming shame. Granted we don’t want or encourage our kids to fail, but I wish some of our parents had the knowledge to take a step back and understand failure and have faith that children can stand back up.

When we attach such negative stigma to getting things wrong, messing up, or simply having a bad day, it trains our minds to constantly second guess ourselves and to think only within the box. As a life coach, I often hear managers asking me how to encourage or help their staff to “think outside the box”. How can you re-mould an already cooled sculpture? Thinking outside the box requires ingenuity, bravery and a little fearlessness to dip your toe into the water outside the sandbox.

We need to encourage our kids to fall flat on their faces and give them the encouragement that they have the knowledge and ability to stand back up again. As adults too, we need to be fueled not only by success stories of those who have it all but by those who continuously strive to reach their summit.

Give Your Kids Wings

Growing up, I wasn’t the top student but I excelled in some and failed in others. As a mother, I see my kids similarly — imperfect, yet doing their best, and I’m okay with that. While some might argue that I should push them harder, I believe in allowing them to navigate their strengths and limits. Constantly chasing success can lead to unnecessary pressure, but by providing a safety net, we enable our kids to learn from their failures, fostering internal motivation and resilience. True happiness comes not from always being the best, but from learning, growing, and finding their own path forward. This provides internal motivation and effortful energy to spur you on.

Failure Leads to Success

In 2012, I launched House of Sheens, an affordable luxury handbag line that quickly gained traction in Singapore’s fashion scene. What began as a thriving creative outlet eventually became overwhelming as I grappled with the pressures of running a business—managing production, competition, and logistics took a toll on my motivation. Despite occasional bursts of inspiration from positive feedback, I felt increasingly drained and disconnected from my initial passion.

After much internal struggle, I realized that my fear of failure was holding me back. In 2019, I made the tough decision to close the brand, a move that brought immense relief and clarity. This closure allowed me to refocus on my coaching and consulting work, leading to the creation of Getting to Happy, a venture that brings me immeasurable joy. The experience taught me to embrace failure as a stepping stone to success and to be kinder to myself in the process. Here are some steps we can help our kids (this applies to us adults too) embrace the decisions and outcomes they will face in life:

1. I Have A Dream (form the Kids Box Set)
   Think about the different areas of your life (school or work, hobby and personal) and write down wishes or goals in those categories. Write the steps you want to take and what you think the outcomes will be when you do those. This will help visualise certain dreams and goals and keep us focused. Look at your plans and acknowledge that there might be some situations where things will not go as planned.
2. It’s Okay Not To Feel Okay (from the New Moms Box Set)
   When certain things don’t go according to plan, it’s easy for us to feel discouraged and feel like everything is falling apart. Take heart, it’s okay not to feel okay! When these things happen, and we say when – not if – because there will be some failures, ask yourself: What went wrong, what did I learn, what can I do better or differently?
3. Positive Self-Talk (from the New Moms Box Set)
   Learn to be kind to yourself and remember that each day grants new opportunities to try again. Science shows that positive statements trigger a part of the brain to accept these statements as fact and eventually propel you towards taking steps to achieve your goals.

Embracing failure isn’t about accepting defeat; it’s about recognizing the growth and resilience that come from our struggles. Whether for our children or ourselves, learning to stand back up after falling is what builds true strength and character. So, let’s encourage each other to take risks, make mistakes, and view every setback as an opportunity to learn and move closer to our goals. After all, it’s through these experiences that we truly discover our potential.